i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
