using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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