dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
