That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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