Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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