I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
