your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
