i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
