U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
