Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
