____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize