we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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