The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
