and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
