But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Small penises have feelings too.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
