They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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