Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
