Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
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All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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