We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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