I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
