His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
