I could make wine with my vomit
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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