There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
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the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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