I can feel you judging me through the phone.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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