A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
