dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
