college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
