My sheets look like a crime scene.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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