you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
