I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
