if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
