She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
