WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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