nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
