I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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