i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
