I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He called his prostate his "boner button".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
