How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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