I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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