drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
