my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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