Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
