I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
