my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
