i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
