I am puke
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
