I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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