my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
