I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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