i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
