I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize