just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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