Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
