I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize