i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
