ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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