So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
