you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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