He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
